New Dad, Old Milk #2

My daughter is an asshole. I mean that from an objective outside party point of view. I give her a kiss goodbye because she’s going to Nana’s house and what does she do? She looks me dead in the face, chucks her toy out of the car window then smiles as to say “you’re my bitch daddy, now pick up my toy”. Now she knows that I am going to pick that toy up, there is no doubt in her mind that I will do it. But I don’t know why?! Thats what bothers me, how the hell does she know that? I discipline her, timeouts, talking to’s, pats on the hand, but that little “princess” knows that I pretty much HAVE to pick up that shitty little toy. Not because its expensive or because that would make her happy, but because I cannot stand littering of all things. She has no idea why I have to pick it up, she just knows that I will. That’s her response to my unfiltered love. To establish her pecking order with myself rooted at the bottom. If I could, I would pull her out of the car and have her stand on the sidewalk and watch me run that piece of shit toy over and over and over. Then smile and laugh while she cries about how daddy is running over her phone. But that is not “good” parenting and probably frowned upon.

Thats what most of my day consists of, alternate endings to to real life scenarios. I’m a DVD trailer! And one of these times, I’m not going with the Disney ending. She’s gonna tell me that the 3 hour meal daddy cooked just for her is “Icky” and I’m gonna take her Disney princess tray and chuck it across the got damn room and tell her too bad because thats whats for dinner! All day long I go through “good parent, bad parent” scenarios and try to not be the bad parent. Its so hard being a “good” parent. I should feed my kids organic because the got damn steroids in chicken and milk, but wait I’m too poor to do that… I really should read to them right now, but man I’m tired and the little one is bothering me… Using every last drop of energy baby jesus gave me to get their teeth brushed and pajama’s on so I can sit for just two whole minutes! I just want two minutes to remind myself that I am a good parent and I dont want to drop kick my children.. Ahhhhhh!!!!! But thats what parenting is about right? I’m convinced God gives me enough energy to make it through one day with my kids and it resets every morning. There are no reserves, I dont go for a run after I put them to bed, hell I can barely make it to the couch. I want to lay down in the middle of the kitchen and fall asleep in a bag of Fritos.

The funny part is, my wife does pretty much everything, so I’m bitching about doing 30% of the work LOL. Mothers are a wonderful thing. Maybe thats why my daughter throws shit on the ground then smiles at me. Moms do so much, so Daddy has to do the little things because thats how he shows he loves her. So long story short, I pick up that two dollar crap cell phone as she watches me and her smile grows. I pick it up and put it back into those tiny sticky hands, “I love you too”.

A NOTE FROM JAYME: Oh Billy… He would do anything for our kids, no matter how small or how big. It’s exactly what makes him a “good” parent : )


Leave a Comment


  1. Kambria wrote:

    I love that she uses the word “bitch” in the first place lol She’s so cute it would be hard not to laugh!

    Posted 7.10.13 Reply
    • jaymepierce wrote:

      lol! oh lordy Payton does not say bitch. haha! That would be horrifying : ) Billy meant that’s what she is thinking!

      Posted 7.10.13 Reply
  2. Gary wrote:

    So, pick up the piece of crap cell phone, twist it into an unrecognizable mess and toss it in the trash, smile and say, “We don’t litter sweetie.” Or, just put it in the “YOU AIN’T NEVER GONNA SEE THIS AGAIN’ box, smile and say, “If you don’t want it, we’ll put it away and when we get enough of them, we’ll send it to some children in Kajachaiseeastan who don’t get to have such nice toys.

    Posted 7.10.13 Reply
  3. Alison wrote:

    this is all way too familiar..and so incredibly true!! So good to know that WE are not alone!

    Posted 7.10.13 Reply
  4. Abbee wrote:

    Thanks Billy for that little chuckle as Matt and I melt in Rome inside this “a/c” (lack thereof) bar. Have him post more blogs! Love you guys!!

    Posted 7.11.13 Reply
    • jaymepierce wrote:

      omg! No AC? That is insane! I miss you!!

      Posted 7.11.13 Reply
  5. Ashante Henry wrote:

    OMG LOL, i love your stories… I hope that when my boyfriend and I get married…..BECAUSE YESS! we WILL MARRY, lol we are just as organized and great parents. Your website has given me hella ideas, and the love that you and BIlly have is Awsome….Take Care!

    Posted 7.24.13 Reply

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